but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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