is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
