I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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