Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
