someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
