So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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