I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
