Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
