after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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