The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
