why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
