So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
