Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
