ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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