your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
