the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
