I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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