Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
