This dress was meant to end up on your floor
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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