I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it glows. i had to have it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
