True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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