You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
