I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
