I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
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had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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