My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think my vagina is haunted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
