I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
