If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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