nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
