I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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