did you get engaged???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
