If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize