party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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