I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I puked a lego.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
