Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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