I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
