I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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