yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
