Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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