3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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