First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
