i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
