i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
