i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
