I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
