It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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