her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I could fuck to npr.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
