Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
