I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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