I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
