I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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