So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
