so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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