be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
