When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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