I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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