That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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