She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
