..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's get the cat blown out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
