My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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