My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
