we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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