But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
