I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
