Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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