I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
