Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's never too late to be topless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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