Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person

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  (813): Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person http://tfl.nu/pnlg
  Replies (55) Good night (3541) Bad night (696)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"

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  (201): You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here" http://tfl.nu/hp38
  Replies (18) Good night (7137) Bad night (800)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!

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  (850): i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her! http://tfl.nu/mu36
  Replies (12) Good night (555) Bad night (3255)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4291) Bad night (1759)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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  (503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx
  Replies (45) Good night (5530) Bad night (1722)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.

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  (412): i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that. http://tfl.nu/r7ph
  Replies (10) Good night (4735) Bad night (1002)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

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  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (4205) Bad night (1169)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well

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  (215): And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well http://tfl.nu/3wlz
  Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (1788)
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  (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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  (530): On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite. http://tfl.nu/tnfr
  Replies (9) Good night (4094) Bad night (768)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish

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  (210): I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish http://tfl.nu/kpto
  Replies (10) Good night (1134) Bad night (520)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home

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  (515): I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home http://tfl.nu/yc18
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (433)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?

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  (313): Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing? http://tfl.nu/tcaq
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (723)
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  (858): View more from California

  So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?

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  (858): So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom? http://tfl.nu/h0sv
  Replies (14) Good night (1691) Bad night (539)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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  (541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk
  Replies (1) Good night (615) Bad night (359)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.

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  (412): Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there. http://tfl.nu/wmu1
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (279)

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