Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!