The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
