i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping