he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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