every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.