looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.