I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
