Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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