thus making me awesome and them whores
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
